The slump 

When I was younger I didn’t have a normal life, what people class as normal I guess. So as I grew up I wanted to have that life, be the wife, be the mum, have the house and the family. And I got it. But now I don’t know how to enjoy it. 
Six and a half years of marriage, a four year old girl and a one year old boy later and I’m down in the dumps alot of the time. 

I recently took on a new role at work, a promotion that would mean that my husband could stay at home with our little boy. A huge change for the family. A huge change for me. 

There has never been a female take the role I have taken before. What an achievement. But is that because the rest of the female population had the foresight to see it’s not a mother’s job? 

It’s a stressful role, a role in a manufacturing environment where in a one hundred strong team that all look to me as their leader I am one of two women. 

There is a pressure to perform. To drive results. When I speak to long standing leaders in the business about how I feel their first question is always “what do the results look like?”. 

Add to that pressure two children and a husband. My brain is never turned off. All I want to do is hear nothing. But at the moment if it’s not the banging of bolts over and over it’s the cry of a four year who is not achieving what ever demands she is requesting at that time. 

We wanted to get away camping this weekend. A rare weekend I am not working on a Saturday so could enjoy the long weekend but sadly our baby boy is not well. After a trip to out of hours yesterday we are told he has an ear and a throat infection.

So I feel trapped. Trapped in a house I dreamt my entire childhood I would own. With a family I wished I could have been a part of. Maybe I am ungrateful. Maybe I can’t see what I’ve got in front of me. I don’t know what it is. 

I find enjoying myself a difficulty, the sun is shining. My little girl wants to do nothing more than sit cuddled up to her mum on the bench at the end of a garden we spent hours achieving. And all I do is get wound up! 

Someone just needs to give me a good slap and say wake up girl and see what you have. A gorgeous family, a lovely home, a fantastic job and a husband who adores you. Just enjoy life. And stop comparing yourself to people on Instagram you daft cow! 
**For information, after writing this moany blog post I did give myself a slap and enjoyed doing 2 jigsaws with my girl and cheered the heck up!**


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s