As an eldest child I was always really nervous about having a second child. I think I have some bad memories of becoming that other child and my younger sister taking the lime light in a big way. My friends would ask if we were going to have a second and I would say I think it’s better if we just had the one. I never wanted my daughter to feel how I had each time a new brother or sister arrived.
I don’t have a particularly close relationship with my siblings although I don’t have any full brothers or sisters all of them are half and step. So really I didn’t actually have a situation to compare to what we would be creating.
Anyway as most of you know we did have another! A little boy back in February this year and he is wonderful. Since being pregnant with him though I have still felt that guilt, the worry that I am not giving my all to my baby girl.
A rare trip out at 6 months pregnant
I am pretty rubbish at being pregnant, hence I only get to 8 months! But it really seems to take its toll on my body, I have a problem around 8 months pregnant where I start to reject the placenta and it sends my body into labour. I get pains in my bump when I remotely do anything to the point I ended up working from home most of my last month in work!
Add to that at the beginning of my pregnancy I was sick as a pig I just wasn’t a very wonderful person to be around! I didn’t feel like I could give my baby girl the attention she needed from me. We couldn’t play together as I got bigger as I struggled to be on the floor. I would get tired if we tried to attempt a toddler day out and I was so conscious she would be seeing it as the baby’s fault.
Then the day came that my waters broke at 35 weeks. My girl was in bed and I was sent off to hospital for checks which we knew meant I was in then. I hadn’t been able to say goodbye to her as she was asleep. I wanted to be able to have my last days as just her mum together. Having cuddles and spending time with each other. My husband brought her into the hospital to see me but I’m sure anyone who has had a toddler brought in to a hospital room will know it’s not really a fun place for them to be!
Once baby arrived 3 days later it didn’t get much simpler. As he was in the neonatal unit having treatment for his jaundice her first meeting with him was having to wait 40 minutes in a corridor before she could be allowed access to the ward because we needed our Dr’s surgery to fax all her up to date jabs to the unit. The one thing she did say though as soon as she saw me minus bump, “you can carry me now”. It melted my heart. She just wanted me to carry her everywhere! Because of the risk of my waters breaking I was doing everything I could not to strain hence no picking up!
Since his arrival nearly 6 months ago now I have been breastfeeding my boy and most of the time you will find him with me! This has made it really tricky for me to give Cordy all my attention. We have been to soft play with her Nanna a couple of times and had chance to have a little play together which was lovely but I just haven’t had some good quality us time. And it’s made me feel sad that I’m missing out on my girl but sad that she may feel it too!
But then came the new Disney film, Finding Dory!! We love watching Finding Nemo so I thought it was a good time to maybe try Cordy out with the cinema. Just me and her!! I’ve been so excited about it. It sounds awful doesn’t it and it’s not that I want to be away from my boy, far from it. But I was just excited to be able to give my girl all my attention!
It was just as I imagined it to be. Perfect. We bought our sweeties in advance but we got a drink each at the counter when we bought our tickets. Then we skipped in to the cinema hand in hand to find our seats.
Throughout the movie she sat snuggled up to me until eventually she jumped on my knee for the last half an hour. She was so well behaved. I do wonder if she seems to play up more when it’s me and her dad around or her brother is taking the attention away from her.
My favourite moment has to be when we had been sat down for only a few minutes and she said, “mummy I love you”. You could have scooped me up from the bottom of the steps I melted so much! These little people know how to do this to us don’t they.
Now the little man is getting bigger and less reliant on mummy I am definitely going to try and keep mummy/daughter time a regular thing. Even just a couple of hours alone felt like gold dust!!
How did you find the transition to more than one baby?