The trip to the local hospital is getting to be somewhat an easy journey for me these days. As a youngster I always hated the sight of the place. My Grandad, who I was particularly close to, took Ill when I was 11 and the hospital was the last place I ever saw him. As a child and as a grieving human I took hate on the building, on the staff, on hospitals in general. I think it was my way of dealing with it in my brain that I had concocted this story that the hospital had taken him away. I know now that isn’t true and can’t thank the place enough for what they have done for me in my adult years. Especially for my little girl.
So after collecting daddy (Cordy’s not mine) we went off for the test. Exactly as last time, other than the air con was working now, the audiology team tested Cordelia’s hearing in various ways. It was in fact a different member of the team today but the procedure was very much the same. Sadly so were the results. No change in the level at which her hearing was at.
Although if anything the lady played down how bad it was compared to how it had been described previously. She explained that we would need to discuss our options with the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist at our appointment the following day but one option for us is a hearing aid. Even as a temporary measure before any operations that may be required and she showed us what it would look like. She brought out a black headband which looked a lot like something an events organiser would wear like Jen Lopez in wedding planner but without the mouth piece. Ok so when I looked for a photo her ear piece was an in ear one but you get what I mean!
I will be honest I really didn’t like the idea of Cordy being operated on and had set my mind to the fact we would be going down the hearing aid route. We have always tried to stay as far away from medical intervention with our children right from their births but seeing the device and knowing what Cordy can be like if she doesn’t want to wear something it made me think quite hard that this may not be an option for her. I was kind of expecting a loop around the ear type aid, but for the issue she has that is not what will work for her so I kind of understand that.
So she sent us on our way with the ENT appointment the following day and a reminder that if we wanted the hearing aid to be ordered we should just call for one to be organised. We dropped daddy back off and had a quick McDonalds and Toys R Us treat, well you have to don’t you! I bet Cordy loves hospital trips with mum.
The next day came and we were off to another hospital, a smaller even more local cottage hospital which we have also frequented since the birth of Miss Cordelia. It houses the out of hours surgery at evenings and weekends which we have been known to visit with her array of illnesses.
The waiting room was full of old people. It make me think (internally not aloud) how is my 3 year old suffering with something only an old person should have to deal with. We were bustled in a tiny room by a little scatty nurse which I could see put Cordy on edge immediately. She wouldn’t sit on the big chair in the middle of the room without me sat with her for the Dr to check in her ears.
After a quick look he fired straight into his grommits speech. The benefits of the operation, how long it would take, the risks, when it would happen. I felt like I was being sold a car, a car that was alright but that I didn’t really want to buy.
The operation that takes 15 minutes long and has only a 75% success rate was something I walked into the room dead against I was now signing my name against a consent form to have done. I completely understand it’s quick, relatively harmless and could fix her hearing as soon as its done but selfishly I don’t want to have to see her in a hospital bed again. I know it’s a day case but I don’t want to have to see her wheeled off from the children’s ward again. And what about when she is the 25% of cases who needs another operation? Ok I know you can’t live like that as everyone will say but what if?
The first audiologist referred to her as having ‘severe hearing loss’. The lady on Monday said her hearing is ‘quite bad’ for what they would expect to see. Then the ENT consultant tells us that normally glue ear can reduce the hearing to 20-30 decibels, 60 being worst case. Cordy’s readings were 50,60,50,50 so (in his words) her hearing doesn’t get much worse for this condition. What if it’s so bad this doesn’t fix it ever? And what if she is the less than 1% that loses their hearing all together because of the operation.
We will have to wait and see now. Realistically the hearing aid on offer is just not going to work for a 3 year old while we wait and see when the fluid will release so we have to try the grommits. She will hopefully go in within 4-6 weeks, but after being told to ring for an appointment today after 2 and the response being “oh we haven’t had your paperwork ring back Friday” I don’t hold out much hope. Part of me wants to prolong it but then I don’t want Cordy to keep having to live day to day not hearing anything less than 50 decibels!